Throughout November, I (tried to) write a diary entry every day. It was kind of my personal NaNoWriMo, although I definitely never wrote 1500 words and got only 22 entries out of 30 days. I don’t even know what NaNoWriMo stands for.
Anyways, I’m not going to upload all of them cause some are fairly boring, but here are a few from the first week.


#1
I just started reading Fang Fangs diary from the Wuhan lockdown for a class in Uni, and as it’s only the second day of the Lockdown in Germany, I figured it is not too late yet to start a Lockdown Diary myself.

The new measures have been announced as a ‘Lockdown light’, which means that retail services and schools will stay open. However, any “event that serves the purpose of entertainment, is forbidden”, which unwillingly sounds funny (and so German). Fun forbidden.
‘Lockdown light’ is a funny name though! Like, Cola light or something. I’d like my next lockdown to have vanilla flavor, please.

Lockdown life has been pretty sweet so far. I woke up to a blue sky every morning and went running by the river, which reminds me of running along the Suzhou Creek in Shanghai. Just like I did there, I run beside the water until I get tired, then I cross a bridge and run back on the other side of the river. Everything reminds me of Shanghai. I just thought about how I got up every morning at 5.45 for Chinese classes and watched the sunrise on our neighbor’s window. Listening to Molly Nilsson reminds me of my balcony on the 23rd floor, and even just a usual morning coffee tastes like I’m still there.

Molly Nilsson is such a Queen!

Won’t somebody take me out tonight?
I want to shine like the street light
[…]
This city is a cold and lonely place
I want to look into an unfamiliar face
[…]
If you come with me you’re my best friend forever
and we can make new memories together

Making new memories is what I miss most from pre-covid times, I think.

Now, every memory I make is overshadowed by the uncertainty and frustration that come with the virus, and it’s impossible to act as innocent and careless as we did before. I had to think a little about why I associate pre-covid times with innocence; to me it feels like Covid rushes us to grow up faster than we anticipated to and to move on from a careless, hedonistic attitude of spending our life.
But as life doesn’t go the regular course anymore, why should I play by the rules? On the flip side, I wonder why I should act any longer along the way things are supposed to go. I am less interested than ever in competing with others on a job market where everything I ever experienced is reduced to its usability. Work sucks, yo!

Anyways. So far, this lockdown is going smooth. As long as the sun keeps shining and I stay motivated to read, listen and write, this might become a good new memory.

#2
Another good day. I’m so glad about every morning I wake up before 9AM. I think the time between 6 and 9 AM is the most beautiful of the day. I checked the election results right after I woke up, then I cooked coffee.

Right now the afternoon sun is sinking behind the window and colors the only cloud in the sky orange. The sky is light blue. It’s a beautiful winter day that feels more like beginning of October than November. I’ll only have to get through my classes this evening, and then I’m done with work for the week.

Today, it feels better to be here than in Shanghai. No, no, in my head Shanghai always feels better, but today, Germany feels bearable. Very bearable.

#3
Someone in the apartment above us plays Christmas songs on a piano. Its another sunny day that slowly turns into night. I tried to cook coffee this morning but forgot to put coffee powder into the espresso maker, and then I couldn’t decide on any good music to listen to while I sat on the windowsill. So, I just silently watched the morning sun shine on the trees that slowly lose their leaves.
Right now everything is beautiful, but what is it going to look like once it is December, and the sky is grey, and the trees have lost all their leaves?

I found some old travel guides for China again this morning, and just looking at the beautiful pictures made me longing. There’s so many places I’d rather be right now. I want to travel to Iran and Pakistan, I want to hike South America, I want to see the places where they found UFOs in New Mexico and go up the Yukon River to Dawson in Canada.

#4
Today was the first day since the beginning of the lockdown that felt a little dull. I guess it’s the weather – today was grey and cold. I was so hungry all day too.
Yesterday we hung out at Mehrdad’s place and smoked some weed that totally knocked me out, so to stay awake I played around with some pipe cleaners and formed them into a new hat for the plastic parrot on the windowsill.
This morning, I went for a walk with an old study mate who has a little daughter now. I could sense how all of this didn’t matter to her – she and her boyfriend were so happy to hold this little being in their hands and to watch her crawl and laugh and play that they couldn’t bother a pandemic.
They had just moved in so their room was pretty bleak, and hardly any light fell in from the grey sky, but I could feel the warmth and the light in the room, nevertheless. When I cycled home, I thought about how genuinely happy I was for her.

Now it’s dark.

I am hungry, but the fridge is cold and empty, so I am drinking a big glass of water, which is more than I usually drink altogether in one day – really, if I don’t pay attention, I’ll only have two espressos over the day and a beer in the evening.

#5
Wow! I’m quite impressed with myself. I managed to keep this diary for nearly a week now, and I wrote every day.

Today I went to the beach with two friends of mine to sit in the cold wind and freeze and chitchat about this and that. It was surprisingly crowded with upper-class families from the villas just beyond the beach, wearing sunglasses and elegant overcoats and thin scarves casually draped around their necks.

In winter, the sun sets just across the river, and we watched it slowly disappear on the horizon. I never knew – or never noticed – the sun comes up in different places in summer and winter.

When we got all too cold, we went for a walk and sat down underneath a tree, where it was much warmer than on the sand. I liked to think that it was the trees body temperature warming us. After all, it was probably just the protection from the wind it gave us.
The beach was especially beautiful by night when everyone had left, and the port lights shimmered on the dark water. In the distance, we heard containers dropping with a loud BANG and the humming of the ships, and how the waves, stirred up by a bypassing boat, crashed on the wet sand.

The night sky above the port looked just like in Shanghai: that artificial sort of orange, cleared from any starlight.

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