Throughout November, I (tried to) write a diary entry every day. It was kind of my personal NaNoWriMo, although I definitely never wrote 1500 words and got only 22 entries out of 30 days. I don’t even know what NaNoWriMo stands for.
Anyways, I’m not going to upload all of them cause some are fairly boring, but here are a few from the third week.

Swans are a lethargic kind of animal! Today I sat by the canal to read some assignments for a class, when someone came by and grabbed a swan by its neck, lifted him up and carried him away (just to check and to chip it). Much more startling than this act was the fact that the swan almost did not protest – it croaked a tired “raaahh” a few times, but mostly just sat through it, hardly ever flapping its wings in protest, like I expected. An amused old lady stopped next to the swan-chipper, arms akimbo and head coked to one side, trying to elicit a chat from him, but he just murmured a few words, so she gave up and walked away. The sun still shone from behind the white clouds, the water reflected the blue sky above, and my hands slowly turned into icicles. During the class I had prepared for, the sky turned light pink, the clouds disappeared, and then night fell. It’s pitch black and ice cold outside now.

Running in the sun is one of the best things I can do right now. As time shows, the scope of things to do alone or with friends is narrowed down to a few options, and they recur day to day:
cooking, watching movies, smoking, drinking tea, taking a walk (if it’s not too cold), some more cooking, making music (if the neighbors don’t complain), watching series (if you don’t fall asleep), longboarding (if it doesn’t rain). We have drawn-out conversations with lots of pauses cause there’s nothing new to tell each other. But sometimes just being together is best we can do to make the days a little more diverse.

Sina recorded us yesterday when we played guitar and sang together, more like along the way, she just put her phone on the windowsill while my house mate was playing the first chords of a song.
Afterwards, I thought about how performance pressure infiltrates our private life too. When we take photos or videos of each other, we sit up straight, we pay attention to the sound of our voice, and we cheer and laugh after we finish playing, cause of course we want to look good. Sometimes I think that the world is nothing but brands and products and the same thing over and over again, and so we ourselves start turning into brands too. We market ourselves, trying to find what things only we do, think or say. You gotta put yourself out there, isn’t this what we’re being told all the time?

It’s dark once again. I don’t have time to continue cause I gotta put myself out there and go to work. I’m glad I found the time to write today.

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